Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
