i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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