I think I won the penis lottery.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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