Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
