so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
