the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
someone get that fucking seahorse.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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