Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
