meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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