so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Houston, we have a squirter
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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