The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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