I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
