my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
