I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
