I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
