is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
