Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
