I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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