I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
