i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
