those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
third nipple confirmed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
