i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
