he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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