Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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