I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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