Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We left the knife in your bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
