I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
