thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
