so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
