Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
