Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
