i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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