i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
