Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
