great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
