I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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