I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he thought i was a dude.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
