Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
