Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
