Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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