Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
