Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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