Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
