Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
