You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just invented taco cereal.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
