his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
