she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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