8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
