I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
