I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
