People in love make me want to vomit
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
